2 Tim. 1:6-7 -- "For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but of power, of love, and of self-discipline."

October was a particularly rich month of deep fellowship.  t was a month filled with divine appointments. I had the opportunity to reconnect with dear friends and co-laborers in Christ -- including Covenant Players.  I will post again in a couple days about that very special time as well as other ministry happenings that took place in October, but this particular post is a bit more personal and reflective and is devoted to sharing what took place in my heart during a weekend away -- a vital time of evaluation, renewal, and revisiting vision.

Weekend in Warsaw (4-5 Oct):  A Time of Personal Reflection

Krzysiek's 2nd year of theological/pastoral studies commenced on October 4th. This time I traveled with him to Warsaw, not only to visit his school and attend the inauguration ceremony but also to visit a very special sister in Christ I hadn't seen in nearly 3 years. 

visiting Jennifer Nagy

I first met Jennifer at a playdate with Covenant Players several years ago. She offered help and housing and as my units and I stayed with her, a bond of sisterhood was quickly formed formed. 

My time with her was much-needed.  I realized how important it is for me to reconnect every so often with fellow missionaries who not only understand but are also walking through both the joys and challenges of living and serving in another country, culture and context.  

While Jennifer and I serve in very different contexts, there's plenty of common ground in our passions, priorities and purpose. We also share many similarities in talents & giftings (both spiritually and "naturally"), but I see her as being a couple steps ahead of me in the development of these things. I mean this in a healthy way. It's like having someone who's close enough to you for you to relate to, and yet, as you listen to their experiences, gain from their wisdom & God-lessons learned, you begin to sense that your own potential is being unlocked and released a bit more .

I felt a sense of release as I was able to share with her some of the hurts and frustrations I've been wrestling with related to conflicts within the church. The perspective she offered was helpful.  She listened carefully, didn't offer loads of advice -- just 3 concrete observations which were very valuable. As I returned back to Pruszcz, I knew the situation hadn't changed but I think I did. I had a lot more compassion and a lot less fear. 

As much as I love serving the Polish people and as much as I feel called to serve in a Polish church, it was extremely refreshing for me to be in a non-Polish context because it is still a struggle for me to communicate in the language. I went with Jennifer to the church she serves with, International Christian Fellowship in Warsaw and she asked me that morning if I wanted to sing with her on the worship team. It was really spontaneous and it did my heart and my soul so much good to sing freely and boldly to the Lord in my native language. Sometimes I get really tired of feeling imprisoned by the boundaries automatically set by language limitations. I struggle constantly with feeling misunderstood and put in a box. I know that I'm doing reasonably well in comparison to the average American who has to learn Polish and credit is really due to God for this gift. But I am also painfully aware that I have not been doing much to develop this gift and instead, I've actually taken a couple steps back due to being overly concerned about making mistakes, sounding stupid, and mis-communicating.  In addition to this not being indicative the Spirit of boldness God gives us (II Tim 1:6-7), it's also bad stewardship  of gifts given for Kingdom purposes.

CP's Risk Award (2011)

I also saw that rather than blossoming in my giftings and sense of leadership and in exercising spiritual gifts, I've become more timid, less confident, and less courageous in these areas as well.  I was saddened as I saw this.  As I reflected upon this, a memory came back -- years ago Covenant Players honored me with the creation of a new award, the "Risk Award" to identify and affirm risks I took in stepping out in faith as a Covenant Player in Poland.  I look back now and think, "Where has that girl gone?"  I saw that there definitely was a tie between this linguistic step back and this spiritual/personal step back.  So while refreshed to be in an English-speaking environment, it fueled a fire in me to step out into deeper waters in the Polish environment God has me in.  

As for attending Krzysiek's school's inauguration, I had a good time and besides getting to know this part of his world a bit, it fueled my desire to keep growing intellectually.  I believe there will also be a time for me in the near future to grow more and be further-equipped in seminary/ministry school.  For now, I think the more pressing schooling I need is to enroll in a Polish course at a private language school. I hope to start in a few months. It is very very expensive but I believe it will be a very important investment as a missionary.  I also look forward to sharing my faith outside of this area, with future classmates.

 Krzysiek & his classmates commence their 2nd year in seminary

(Krzysiek, 3rd from the L is their class representative)